Really, really not love.
⭐️⭐️
The blurb
When Sarah falls for Matthew, she falls hard.
So it doesn't matter that he's twenty years older. That he sees her only in secret. That, slowly but surely, she's sacrificing everything else in her life to be with him.
Sarah's friends are worried. Her father can't understand how she could allow herself to be used like this. And she's on the verge of losing her job.
But Sarah can't help it. She is addicted to being desired by Matthew.
And love is supposed to hurt.
Isn't it?
The Review
I'm a huge fan of Louise O'Neill and I especially loved her other recent novel, Asking for it. This is an author that doesn't shy away from writing books that focus on the messier parts of life and relationships. Hearts and rainbows, her books definitely aren't. She's an incredibly talented writer, who takes immensely difficult topics, that we need to talk about and lays them bare for us.
BUT.... oh....I REALLY didn't like this book. First of all, Sarah is an intensely unlikable protagonist. That's OK though, I usually quite like that. After all - aren't we all messy and full of character flaws? But she was just such a bland, toxic individual. The kind of person that you would encourage your friends to cut out of their lives, as just being near them is emotionally draining. Even before she meets Matthew, she is incredibly self involved and I just couldn't fathom how she would even have any friends, as she was so unwilling to support anyone around her.
The blurb would have you believe that Sarah falls in love with a man that 'woos' her and then takes advantage of her, but that's just not the case. When they first meet, Sarah is unimpressed by him, and not at all swayed by his wealth and prestige. And there was never any reason given for her opinion to change. Why would she have voluntarily entered into this weird sexual dalliance with him? All of a sudden we are supposed to believe that she is obsessed with him, but why? What needs of hers does he fulfill? We know he is distant, only interested in gratifying his own sexual needs, doesn't make her laugh, never makes her feel loved. And at every point, he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything more from Sarah. It's too easy to look at this narrative and say, 'he leads her on', but that's simply not the case.
I get the fact that people get themselves into unhealthy and destructive relationships and that dynamic is definitely worth exploring. It's just I couldn't believe in this story as there was utterly no reason why either party would have embarked on this 'affair' in the first place.
Yes we get addicted to things that are bad for us - take eating junk food for example. The reason for this, is that in the moment it tastes nice, and we like the rush of hormones that flood us. We are drawn to them because they fulfill some craving within us. But, I just couldn't see that here. It would have made much more sense if in the start of their 'relationship', Matthew was fulfilling her needs and then he withdrew that attention. I could understand then, that she would crave a return to that situation, and wonder what she had done wrong.
Couple this with the fact that she is utterly repugnant to all of her friends and family and it was hard to know who in this story we are meant to root for. It wasn't clear that she learnt anything from the experience (or even, if we did?) or if there was any sort of moral to take from this story? I'm totally open to a story about someone on a path to self-destruction, but I needed to understand more about why she was on that path. Plus I actually found the narrative messy and confusing in parts, which didn't help with my ambivalence.
As always though - a disclaimer. This book is getting great reviews from a lot of people. John Boyne, one of my current favourite authors, gave it 5 stars. It could be that I'm massively missing the point here, or perhaps I just wasn't in the right head space.
Almost Love was released on 7th March 2019 by Quercus Books.
Big thanks to Netgalley and the Publishers for the free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.